I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize