I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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