Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I did not marry a roomba.
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