So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize