hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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