If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i love accidental penises.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry about my life...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize