I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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