come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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