I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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