so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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