My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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