my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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