meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize