I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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