You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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