we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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