i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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