There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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