We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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