Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize