I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize