I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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