Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize