You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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