dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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