Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

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(248): I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard. http://tfl.nu/wcz2

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

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(973): He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could http://tfl.nu/0a7l

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

(1-248): View more from Michigan

You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

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(248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y

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(517): View more from Michigan

just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.

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(517): just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out. http://tfl.nu/s711

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(301): View more from Maryland

He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.

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(301): He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him. http://tfl.nu/18rr

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

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(413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf

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(515): View more from Iowa

IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.

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(515): IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard. http://tfl.nu/ob2l

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(270): View more from Kentucky

You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."

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(270): You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money." http://tfl.nu/lp5j

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(208): View more from Idaho

the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.

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(208): the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player. http://tfl.nu/khif

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.

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(413): I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD. http://tfl.nu/g1bn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.

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(+44): next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius. http://tfl.nu/19nm

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

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(724): If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF! http://tfl.nu/xzr6

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(248): View more from Michigan

When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?

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(248): When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle? http://tfl.nu/70g5

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.

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(318): Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult. http://tfl.nu/kp39

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(347): View more from New York

Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries

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(347): Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries http://tfl.nu/429z

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