he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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