my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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