i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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