Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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