She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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