You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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