I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize