I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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