you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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