So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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