im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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