GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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