I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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