I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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