I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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