Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize