and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize