I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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