I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I faked an abortion last night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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