Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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