After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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