Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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