I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize