I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize